Rough Week

What a difficult and incredible couple of weeks we have had. My poor mother...
Monday, Feb 11th around 5:45 I started an uncomfortable wakefulness that would not leave me. At 6, My Randon came and crawled into my bed. He is a lone sleeper and this is a rarity. The phone began to ring and I knew the news was bad. My mother told me that my father had passed away. While he had been sick, it wasn't totally expected. It wasn't entirely unexpected either. My sister, Ronda, had visited him on Thursday and he talked he ear off and was doing well. My mom and brother visited on Sunday and he stayed 'asleep' (unresponsive) during the entire visit. Sunday morning before their visit, he wasn't feeling great and told his favorite nurse "I'm done." Shortly thereafter he went unresponsive until he past at 6 am on Monday. My sister, Renda, was called within minutes of his death, and the chain of calls went quickly thereafter. My sister Renda and I went to Enid to be with our family.

My brother and mother were both very visable affected. No one wanted to decide anything. Even my bossy big sister just kept saying "I don't know, what do you think?" Being shoved into the uncomfortable position of desicion makers, Renda and I both went into a cloud of 'get it done.' This mode seemed to stay with us all week. I don't recall either of us breaking down, or crying more than a few tears. There were many times that I felt judged by others because I wasn't a mere puddle of grief. At times, I felt like saying "Don't belittle my pain because I'm not bawling, it's still here and it's still real!" My father's sense of humor was given to my brother and I. During the mess of decisions, I inadvertantly became the 'slightly inappropriate' humorist my father would have been. My mother, who for the most part lacks a sense of humor, seemed to appreciate the lightheartedness in a such a sad sitation.

That first night, Renda, Mom and I sat and went through her massive trunks of pictures. She has talked about doing that very thing for the past year, but time didn't lend itself for that. Renda and I each had our pile of pictures to steal. Mom spotted Renda's and said "You're not taking those!" (that's the feisty red head we know and love!) and Renda replied "Now Mom, you've been good all day, don't start this now!" I was a little more descrete and laid mine in the dining room near other pictures. She spotted those and said "Are those the ones you are trying to steal?" My smile gave me away. Amazingly she came off of the ones both of us wanted! We had a wonderful end to a very sad day.

We opted to have the service at Anew Church, the network LifeChurch.tv that we opened last year. It was fitting because my father 'didn't do church' for over 40 years and when we went with us to LifeChurch.tv, he came back with us and even got to meet Pastor Craig. I wanted to do the eulogy at my dad's service, but I was terrified. I have never spoke in front of so many people, at least not by myself. So, I wrote it, but declined to deliver it. My husband created an awesome slide show of my dad with over 200 pictures and the most fitting songs ever. Having never planned a memorial service, I was nervous about it running smoothly. When my best friend and her husband arrived at the church and sat on the back row, I joined them. I actually 'hid' there for a time. So many questions and decisions had been directed at me, I just wanted to escape them for a time. It wasn't a long time before I was spotted and called on again.

The service ran perfectly. Several people told me it was wonderful and many said it was 'just what your dad would have wanted.' I found out this week that my brother told my sister Ronda, "That's exactly what I want." I desparately wanted to stamp of approval from my mother. When I talked to her later that night I finally got the nerve to ask her what she thought. She said "It was great! I would have only changed one thing." I held my breath and waited for the list of things that I did wrong. She said "There was one picture, of your dad in a highchair when he was a baby that I wanted in there, but I couldn't find it." SCORE! Not my fault!