Grounded?

My crazy mother is at it again. Last week she called me at about 10:30 at night. My husband answered. He walked in with the phone and said "She's right here." With a questioning look he handed me the phone and mouthed "She sounds mad!" He waited for my reaction. This is how that conversation went...
"Bobbi Lynn?! Where are you?!" Mom says very sternly.
"I'm at home." I reply.
"NO YOUR NOT!! I"M HERE AND YOU ARE NOT HERE !" she hollars at me. "You were suppose to be home at 9:30!"
"Okay" was all I could whisper.
"When are you going to be here?"
"I'll be home in a little bit."
"You'd better be!"
"Okay."
"You're grounded!"
"Okay."
"I'm going to bed, you wake me up when you get here so I know you're home."
"Okay."
"I mean it Bobbi Lynn! You better get your ass home!"
"Okay, I'll be there soon."
"Bye."
"Bye."
I looked at my husband and said "Well, I'm grounded." and he laughed. I told him the half of the conversation that he didn't hear. Then he expressed his concern. It's one thing to go through all this with Dad and Danny with their recent passing but we just leaped back about 13 years, give or take a couple. I've been married for ten years yesterday! So now that we've again established the instability of my mother's fragile psyche, let me tell you about another of our interesting conversations....
Late evening, night before last, I'm snuggled up on the couch with my husband for some grown up tv time, a commodity at our house. My cell phone rings and it's my mom. I know she's probably asleepawake. I answer and she says "Bobbi, what exit is your street? I think I'm almost to your house."
"What?!" I shriek as I bound off the couch, "Where are you?!" I motion to my husband to call in the calvary. He gets on the horn to reach my sisters so we can plan our next move. She has driven to the store while awakeasleep before. The though of my mother, in la-la land, tooling about the countryside in her pick up is terrifying! She tells me she is not sure where she is but she thinks she's almost here. "Are you on I35?" I ask. "I don't know." is all that she can tell me. A few times she tried to get off the phone with me and I start to panic. "NO MOM!!! DON"T HANG UP!" I yell at her. "Put your shoes on!" I mouth to Stephen. He throws up his arms and says "Where am I gonna go?" "I don't know!" I mouth back.

I asked her to tell me what was around her, trees, houses, lights, what?! She never really gives us an answer that is of much help but there was something about no houses around. My sister is trying to locate her husband and I'm looking up neighbors phone numbers on the computer. I wondering if she ever made it out of Enid. "Mom, look for a sign for me. Tell me what the next sign says. I might be just a number and that's okay, I just need you to read me the next sign you see." She agrees but them says she doesn't see any signs. I'm getting a little freaked. All these things running through my head like her driving until she runs out of gas, thumbing a ride, ending up in a ditch.... okay "Mom, I need to know where you are!" My voice must have sounded stressed because she started getting nervous too. "I don't know! I think I'm lost! I'm scared Bobbi!" she whimpers. I realize that I have to maintain my composure so that she doesn't get to stressed.

Again I try to get her to tell me about what is around her or read me a sign. She asks me to hold on while she turns a corner. "READ THE STREET SIGN!!" I scream before she puts the phone down. So we have concluded that she's not on an interstate and not in a neighborhood. Great, we've got her pinpointed now. She says that she doesn't see a street sign and an image creeps into my head of Mom, on some backwoods dirt road without signs, low on gas and possible not dressed. She tells me that the truck stalled and put the phone down for a few seconds. She tells me she got it back started and I hear it, but it's louder this time. So now, my possible undressed, completely nutty mother is on some dirt road without signs, low on gas and is out of her car! I ask her to get back in the truck and she does. It's still loud so I ask her to roll up the window and she does. It still seems louder than it did before but whatever. I've got to find her!

I try again to coax any information out of her that might be useful. Ronda is on her way to Mom's house to find her husband so they go 'hunting.' This conversation has gone on for over 10 minutes and my heart was pounding the entire time. "Mom." I say very calmly, "I have to know where you are. Tell me about the road you are on. Does it have two lanes, does it have four?" She switches gears without any warning and throws me for a loop "What are you talking about roads and lanes for? I'm mowing the backyard." WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I have no idea what is going on! "MOM! Turn off the mower and go inside." My husband flips around and looks at me with his forehead wrinkled up. "I can't! I have to get this mowed of Cliff is going to be mad!" she whimpers again. "You don't have to mow it now Mom, we'll mow it tomorrow." Stephen, again on the phone with the calvary relays the info and says "They mowed the yard today!" "Well, she's mowing it again!" I tell him.

"MOM!! TURN OFF THE MOWER!" I say in a voice that you should never use to talk to your parents with. "Okay" she complies. "GO IN THE HOUSE!" As she walks to what I hope is her house and not some farmers on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, I hear the phone ringing. Stephen is calling it from his cell! What a smart guy! I confirm that she in fact in her house and she closes his phone. He's still on the house phone with my sister who asks if we should still have Ronda go over there. I don't know! I ask mom to please lie down and she does. She's not going to go to bed, just take a nap. Fine with me! I ask her to stay lied down until Ronda gets there is she says "Please No! Don't let Ronda come over here! I don't want to talk to Ronda!" Okay, so she's upset with Ronda about something. "Alright, well you lay down or I'm gonna have Ronda come over there!" I get off the phone with her, leaving her on the couch of her 'nap.'

A few minutes later Ronda calls with the update. She arrived at mother's house where she finds our mother in the back of the pickup, wearing only a t-shirt and undies. When she sees Ronda, she starts to yell and cuss and tells her to get the F out of there and all kinds of other lovely things. I don't know at what point Mom 'came to' but when I was on the phone with Ronda, Mom was sitting across from her with no recollection of what just happened. I can hear her in the background and I tell Ronda "She's not awake!" "Bobbi," Ronda says in her calm authoritative voice "I'm sitting right her talking to her and she is awake." "I'm awake!" Mom says in the background. Her voice still sounds different, like it does when she's asleepawake. I get off the phone and Ronda comes home. Mom calls me back a bit later. She kind of remembers Ronda being there, but not why and nothing before that. I tell her what happened and she apologizes up and down. Ahh, it's not her fault she's nuts. She tells me about her stressful evening and it doesn't suprise me. She has her worse episodes after stressing about something. Her and Cliff had a fight about his son coming to stay with them for a while. I guess it was pretty ugly and he stormed off to sleep in the semi that was parked down the road. We talked for another 1/2 hour and then both decided it was time for bed. For real this time.

We didn't catch each other to talk to her yesterday but we talk again today. She starts to tell me about the fight her and Cliff had... I remind her that we talked that night and she has no memory of it. She doesn't remember Ronda. She doesn't remember being in the bed of the pickup half naked. She doesn't remember our phone conversation. She certainly doesn't remember mowing the backyard in the middle of the night. I bet the neighbors do.