Clothes of Yesterday

My mother has been asking me to take my brother and dad's stuff from her house for over a couple of months. I haven't been able to get there with a pickup, or empty van to do it. She hasn't had the opportunity to load it up in her truck and bring it to me. She lives in Enid, I in Edmond. She wants it out of her sight, it's too painful, and it's filling up half of her living room. On Mother's Day we went to see her and I grabbed a couple of bags that I could fit in the back of the Yukon and brought them home. It didn't occur to either one of us to throw everything in the back of my brother in laws pickup when we were all there and we were equipped with several able bodied teenagers. So I just got the couple that I grabbed on the way out that day. I put them in my garage. I don't know why I even wanted them, I am just not ready to have someone just take them.

Today, while the kids were playing in the sandbox, I saw one of the bags and decide to look through it. It was clothes of my brothers. My brother dressed one of three ways, really snazzy with very nice clothes, tshirts and holey jeans for work, or sweats and tshirts for comfort near bedtime. I pulled out several nice jeans, Fubu and Levi and a few nice shirts like Tommy and Adidas. It was much harder than I had anticipated. Not as difficult as the autopsy report, but tough just the same. I lost my breath, felt dizzy and sick and even started seeing spots as the pressure in my head mounted. I couldn't even cry, I could barely breathe. Then I found this raggedy old Budweiser tshirt (grey, my favorite color) that was splattered with glue stains. At this, I melted and started to sob. Danny, as well as my father, were both carpet layers or 'floor technicians' and used alot of carpet glue. It was just a standard hallmark of either of them. Finding that stain on someone else's clothes, you would wonder what that funny color and texture is.
I realized how easily people can question God's goodness in such times. How easy it could be for the enemy to get a foothold in especially when you want to ask "Why?". I set in my driveway, clutching this old shirt and through tears and pain and joy I cried out to the Lord "Thank You Jesus! Thank You! Twelve People, that's why!" I am certain that if minions of the evil one were around, they were angry, or at the very least perplexed! (See earlier post called The Best Part!!!!!!!!!! below ).

I do have to part with these clothes and the rest of stuff that will following from both my dad and brother's belongings. But I don't have to part with all of it, and I don't have to do it today. I don't want to toss it in a donation dumpster to be sold really cheap. I don't want it ebayed for top dollar either. I want to keep a few things, maybe a few more. I dunno... but what's left, I think I want to give it to someone that really needs it. Not wants but really needs it. Because that's what my brother would do. He literally gave the shirt off his back before. And his coat too. My sisters and I were talking about Danny and we each realized that when we would see him, he would always have stuff to give us. One day he started to tell me about some of this stuff. "Oh I got a great deal on these shirts for your boys so I grabbed em!" or "Devin gets a discount and bought this really cheap so if will use it, you can have it!" So now, I want to share that giving spirit with his clothes. It seems so silly, but if you've been through it, you know it's not so silly, it's important, as least for me. So I do want to part with this clothes, but when I am ready.